Spiritual Seeker

I have learned that life is not always what it seems to be - that you can find moments of happiness and freedom in the midst of captivity; you can feel empty around friends; you can hunger and thirst for something that food and drink will never satisfy... My search is for the places - of the heart and of the earth - where the material is infused with the Divine and the Sacred appears in every glance. 

 

December 17, 2011

Advent is about desire, hope, dreaming of something more... It begins with waiting and it ends with waiting. Expectation can be the beginning of faith. A person who waits is someone who understands that s/he was made for something more. A person who waits for everything understands that s/he was made for everything. It is not wrong that we expect so much. It is wrong that we have a time-table for the fulfillment of our most profound expectations. It is wrong when we look for one lifetime to settle the human heart, quiet it's every fear, meet its expectations, and end its waiting. There is beauty and meaning in our waiting if we can sort out in our own minds what we are waiting for, whom we await, why we wait... For those who can wait no more there are no further kingdoms. For those who have tired of patience, all expectations have regressed to memories. Memories without dreams give no life. Memory is vitalized by expectations.” Anthony Padovano, Dawn Without Darkness. To respond, click here

Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP

February 8, 2011 

This past Sunday was the 5^th Sunday of Ordinary time.  I have always thought that we called these weeks in between Christmas and Easter ‘œordinary’ because there is no major feast commemorating an event in Jesus’ life that we celebrate, but Fr. Goebel at Little Flower Church told us the word ‘œordinary’ comes from the root ‘ordinal,’ meaning numbered, and that during this time, we are to do the work it takes to become Christian, followers of Jesus in truth as well as in name.  Last week, with the story of The Beatitudes we were reminded of the ‘attitudes’ we needed to be true followers; this week we are reminded to let our light shine!  

In today’s society, with violence and political upheaval, electronic noise and distraction, a deep hunger for intimacy in a world that does not know how to communicate face-to-face, this is no small challenge, and it is NOT ordinary to put love for others ahead of love for selfish pursuits that do not satisfy.  We are challenged to imitate Jesus in the day to day life we live, much as he did during those 30 years of hidden life, transforming our own homes and workplaces by doing with common with uncommon passion, love and devotion.  Then we will be both blessed, and a blessing for others.                                                                        

Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP   

What do we let go of, and what do we hold on to?  

The gospel of Matthew presents the call of the first 4 apostles in a very clear-cut manner.  Jesus calls; Peter and Andrew, James and John drop everything and follow him, walking away from family and livelihood.  Since no one would normally make such life-changing decisions so abruptly, we need to fill in the story “ what comes before the call; what comes after it."  The apostles are real people with real commitments, just as we are.  They may have listened to John and been baptized by him already.  They may be men attuned to a different perspective, ready for change.  They may have heard Jesus teach and felt their hearts burn with excitement at his words.  They may have talked among themselves about who Jesus was and how they felt about his message.  They may even have shared their interest and concerns with family.

The point is major change doesn't happen in a vacuum -- or in an instant.  When we are attuned to our thoughts, feelings and values, we're in tune with change, and ready when an opportunity presents itself.  Prayer, silence, and attentiveness to inner searching help us to know what is genuinely important to us (and help us to make decisions from our own integrity).  When we feel a desire for something different; when we realize that our current lifestyle is not satisfying, it is time to pause and listen and possibly take a step in a different direction.

Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP   

 

Vocation Awareness - Janurary 12, 2011

Yesterday, with the celebration of the feast of the Baptism of Jesus, we began National Vocation Awareness Week, a time to recognize the significance of our own Baptism and to recognize that ALL are called to a life of love and service in the footsteps of Jesus.  HOW we do this differs for every person.  For some, marriage is the vocation through which God invites them into deeper partnership in restoring justice and healing the Body of Christ.  For others, the single, celibate lifestyle, whether the  result of a deliberate choice or of life’s circumstances can be a source of grace and blessing for self and others.  For others still, a life consecrated to God in love and lived out in community frees one to explore the Divine within each person and circumstance and to respond in love to others.

Whatever vocation or lifestyle we are drawn to, we can be sure that with deep listening and authentic responses, God is already both within us and waiting for us to bring the healing of Jesus to others.

Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP 

 To Respond, click here

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

As we approach the last month of autumn, we experience the loss of the beautiful leaves that graced our landscape for so many weeks and become aware of the approaching winter.  Unlike the commercial part of the season, I love celebrating the seasons as they come, each one in its own place, each one having its day and letting go.  How much more simple would our lives be if we could follow the example of time and nature, we would not be buying gifts for Christmas before Thanksgiving or racing to a Black Friday sale right after Halloween!  And in fact, by resisting the urge to shop during these days, we would have the space to recognize the blessings we enjoy right now, the family gathered for a meal, conversations with friends, the warmth of our home or apartment on a chilly evening, the blessedness of having a job to go to in the morning, and a paycheck that allows us to put food on our table and to assist others in their time of need.

 Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I have arrived...

When Francis was a young boy, he would often make journeys outside the walls of Assisi with his father, and when they would get to their destination, he could say to himself, "I am here in this place.  I have arrived." But the Dream and the Journey that he pursued in his new life was different.  It focused on the roots of Jesus own life, and it's end was in the real meaning of Jesus own words.  It was a trip back into the words of the Gospel and forward into the Kingdom of God and inward to the depths of one's own heart where the Trinity dwelled --- and you could never say, "I have arrived."

                        (adapted from Francis, the Journey and the Dream, by Murray Bodo)
Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP

Friday, August 27, 2010

I was recently asked to offer a reflection on my experience of living the vow of celibacy.  The experience of praying and reflecting on the effect of my vows in my lived experience was quite revealing to me.  What I found, in all honesty, was that the vows themselves have simply not been that important to me.  For me, life has been about dedication to God; about loving God in and through others, and in prayer, nourishing a growing awareness of the truth of the gospel - that Jesus loves little children, sinners, and all whom I and others find offensive, marginal and useless. Being a Franciscan Sister of the Poor is about growing in awareness of how much I have been loved by God, how much I have been blessed by God, and trying to live out of this love in every moment of my life;  love is the driving force, the energy, the treasure that makes everything else possible, and worthwhile.  My vow of celibacy has been the white picket fence surrounding the vast yard in which I live, minister and play as God’s beloved child – it provides the security and protection I need to live and love freely and fully, knowing that my commitment and lifestyle will be respected by myself and others.  

When I was young, I began teaching with young children – 7-8 year olds.  I think this was a great gift for me - I could love them freely as I taught them; and in retrospect, I think their presence in my life eased the pain of not having children of my own.   

When I taught junior high students, I learned another kind of love, a love that gradually learns to listen to what is being said, as well as what is not said.  I learned tough love, to use words carefully and to mean what I say – I learned to observe, to watch, to look at a person’s eyes and love the child within, instead of judging them by their words, actions, or the way they dressed or wore their hair.  I learned to love without expecting anything in return; and to make learning enjoyable – for them and for me – because if it wasn’t fun, they wouldn’t learn, and we would both be wasting our time.  And I learned to laugh at myself; to not take myself so seriously. 

But it is living in community and developing friendships with both the sisters and my co-workers that taught me the most about growing in love, about collaborating, forgiveness and letting go of hurts.  My relationships with the sisters challenged me as I worked with them at the hospital. 

One sister in particular would take my reports on the patient satisfaction surveys as a personal criticism, and we had some strong arguments about my reports.  Afterwards, both of us would come back into the office in tears, not wanting the anger to affect our friendship – or our respect and love for one another.  I learned the truth of the words of M. Frances, our foundress:

True love lies in mutual esteem and deep respect which do not have their roots in emotion. We must learn to give, forgive, and be able to give in. 

And finally, in the lives of my sisters and the example of St. Francis, I have seen the ideals of the Gospel lived out fully, from a heart burning with love. Throughout my life, Francis’ words and example have compelled me to seek God with my whole heart and mind and soul.  I hope to always echo his words as a young man in search of direction:This I want; this I seek; this I long for with all my heart.

Sr. Jo-Ann Jackowski, SFP

 

 

Monday, March 15, 2010  

The story of the Prodigal Son, the gospel for the 4^th Sunday of Lent (already?!) opened up for me yesterday, when Fr. Tom suggested that we make the relationships in the story whoever WE need them to be:  father and sons, father and daughters, mother and sons, mother and daughters. 

What is YOUR favorite image of God - and what is YOUR relationship to that God?  Most of us need a personal God, and human persons like ‘mother’ and ‘father’ hold overtones of love, care and concern at least on some level.  Use the image that works for YOU “because this is the way you relate to God best …as a loving Parent, Friend, Grandparent, Spouse --- and God really doesn’t care what you call him/her ... as long as you do come home!

Sunday, March 1, 2010

The story of the 'Transfiguration' Jesus going up the mountain with Peter, James, and John from Sunday's gospel is both familiar and a favorite.  I love the thought of that intimate group at prayer  except that in today's reading, I realized that Jesus did the praying and the apostles were asleep!   And in the context of Lent, I wondered if Jesus went to the mountain to pray because he needed to 'get away' for a while from the teaching and healing to refocus his vision and confirm that yes, this is what God wanted him to do, even thought it did mean upsetting the religious leaders of the time.  And the fact that it was Moses and Elijah he spoke with 2 prophets who confronted powerful people and yet died natural deaths made me wonder if Jesus was getting nervous about the very real opposition he was stirring up.  

But what really struck me this time, were the words of Peter: Lord, it is good that we are here. It is always good to be where you are, immersed in whatever experience you are in, aware of whatever great outcome or unasked for opposition, you are experiencing.  If we/I am not immersed in reality, whose world am I living in?  Certainly not God's or my own.  And if I 'run away' from hard decisions or anything that stirs opposition, how will God's kindom come?   

It's good for me to remember this whether I am confronted with the investigation from church authorities or confronted by the insecurities or foolishness of my own choices “ It is good to be here, in my body and spirit, and acknowledge the truth! 

Now is the acceptable time; now is the time of salvation.

 

February 15, 2010 

With the approach of the season of Lent, my thoughts naturally focus on how I shall celebrate this season of growth this year.   Lent is a ritual as necessary and as deep of the roots of the large tree outside my window.  Nothing exists for long without needing cleaning, re-potting, painting, touching-up, re-focusing  -- not houses, cars, yards, closets, clothing – or the human body and the human spirit.  And the last days of winter are the perfect time to begin.   

The earth looks frozen and dormant especially this year in Ohio, covered with snow as we are!   Some of my bad habits or 'unhealthy ones' seem to be frozen in place also. 

Will I ever begin exercising regularly and stick with it?

Will I detox from sugar and make healthy dietary choices?

Will I read and pray more in the evening and watch 'less violence' on TV?  

Discover Your Heart's Desire with St. Francis of Assisi is a Lenten Retreat being offered at the Church of Sts. Monica and George by Fr. Tom Speier, OFM.  It flows from the words of St. Francis upon hearing a significant Gospel passage:  "This is what I seek; this is what I desire; this is what I long for with all my heart!"  These words have touched me deeply in the past, and are often the touchstone when making decisions of magnitude.  It is good to revisit them in the context of the Lenten season.   

What do I need to turn away from -- and turn towards?  What good news doI need to believe?  Which gospel am I really trying to live?  Is it the gospel of Jesus?  Or have other priorities moved to the top of my list? Can I use these 40 days to withdraw into the desert of my empty self and face the wilderness there.

To Respond, click here

Sunday, February 7, 2010  

Today is the World Day of Prayer for Consecrated Life, an observance which flows from today's gospel, Luke 5:1-11, the Call of the Apostles.

I have often wondered why Peter, James and John dropped their nets so readily and followed Jesus.  What did he say or do that precipitated that response? 

Had they listened to him earlier?  Had they heard of his miracles?   Had they simply been moved by his words and felt their hearts burn with excitement and joy?

Or was it simply that they did work hard all night and now were exhausted and needed a break; they didn't want to have to sort through 2 boatloads of fish before going home to sleep!

Whatever occurrence precipitates our readiness, God calls us where we are; in the midst of our daily activities.  And suddenly, we hear a voice, an idea, a hope rises - and our heart leaps to life in hope of a different future.  

And though it only takes a moment to hear God's call, how we chose to respond is not decided in an instant as the gospel would suggest, but over time, as we continue to listen and pray, seek and inquire, visit and hear the dreams that rise in our hearts. 

We need time for the seeds to sink into the ground, break open and stretch out roots.  We need time to cultivate the dream, nourish it and let it grow.  

Lent is coming soon.  What seeds do we want to plant during this time of grace?

To Respond, click here

February 3, 2010

There is a picture on the cover of February's Living with Christ that depicts Jesus in the desert. Painted by Russian artist, Ivan Nikolaevich Kramskoi, it shows a mature, serious Jesus sitting on a boulder in a barren area, pondering his life and his choices.  Jesus looks haggard and troubled, as if his pending decision weighed heavily upon him.  

I find the picture to be unusual, and strangely comforting, because it illustrates the struggle that anyone pondering such a change in lifestyle, from quiet carpenter in small town Nazareth, to itinerant preacher who lives from the core of his convictions, would have had to experience.  As one who was fully human, Jesus would have struggled with major change just as any of us do, especially knowing the outcome would be public – and  not necessarily welcomed by the religious leaders.  

But Jesus didn't back down; he stayed with the struggle for 40 days, knowing that in the long run, the outcome would be well worth it; believing that people needed to know the truth of our all-loving, all-inclusive, all-forgiving God “ and believing also that the greatest tragedy in life is to not be true to who you really are because of fear of what others would think."  

This is a Jesus I can spend time with, One who knows my own struggles, my defeats and successes.  This is a Jesus I do well to ponder as I approach the Lenten season, and contemplate the change that needs to happen in my own life.  Like Jesus, I can find the courage in God to choose truth and love over comfort and fear.  I can ponder, and discover the inner resources that are already planted in my heart.

To Respond, click here

November 17, 2009

Today is the feast of St. Elizabeth of Hungary, the Patroness of the Third Order Regular.  Many religious communities consider her an example of the generosity and service they try to provide to others, because thought she was Queen and had her own children to care for, she also took food to the poor and sold her jewels to start a hospital for the sick and dying.  

I found out a remarkable thing today:  Elizabeth was only 23 when she died.  Wow!  - And she was declared a saint within 4 years!

I remember myself at 23 “ Already in vows; fervent, loving, patient, willing to go anywhere, do anything, totally trusting in God and my religious superiors in all things." 

To be that focused again; to put aside all our electronic toys and shopping malls and coffee houses - or to utilize these things in service for others...

I wonder, if Elizabeth was alive today, would she still be able to pursure a life of love and service?

To Respond, click here

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"God can produce a full-blown answer to prayer if we adapt ourselves to God's laws of love, and faith and nature so as to provide the necessities of answered prayer." 

This is a quote from a recent workshop I attended, Hands on Healing by Leah Curtin.

Though the concept isn't new, the way it was presented, or the way my heart was disposed to hear, I was deeply affected by it, probably because at the time I was in the midst of fervent prayer for something I felt was a necessity for me.  Only I didn't want to have to change to obtain it; I wanted God to provide the grace without my having to make the effort “and that is not how prayer works."  It isn't magic.  When I pray, it is I who must change my behaviors, my attitudes, my actions, not God. 

And so I begin again, as I have done many times over.  I re-examine my thoughts, clarify my desires, re-focus my energies.  Maybe this time, by God's grace and my action, I will obtain what I pray for.To Respond, click here

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Reading further in Franciscan Prayer, by Ilia Delio, I find the questions:  How do you sort out your desire?  What do you fear in your desires?  Do your desires compete with one another?  What competes with your desire for God?  

Wow!  If I had the answer to these questions, I would have a clear path to what I desire!

But who really knows how to answer these?  Do your desires compete with one another?  Of course they do!  Each day brings a new list of challenges, and struggling with them, my priorities shift and so do my desires.  For me, I think fear is a big stumbling block, “fear that I am not doing it right “ whatever 'it' happens to be.  Fear that I AM doing it right, and as a result, I will be asked to do more, to give more than I am prepared to give.  Fear competes with my desire for God; I feel afraid of what I will again be asked to do 'for Love'.  My history and experience play into this, and when I let it get the best of me, fear dominates.

The sorting is what I do each day, several times a day. I look at what I've pulled onto my desk, splashed onto my floor, and what I am holding in my heart but not acknowledging.  These are the things that hold me back.  I need to look at what I have gathered and sort again, refocus again, choose again.  I don't know of any other way to be faithful except to start over again and again, by the grace of God, the example of Francis.To Respond, click here

Monday October 19, 2009

What do you want?

Saturday October 17, 2009 

What Saves me...

“Those who enter into Franciscan prayer must be ready for change…  The Russian Orthodox like prayer to entering the cave of a tiger – the experience is uncontrollable.  Risk is involved and yet, too, a certain level of trust.” (Franciscan Prayer, by Ilia Delio, OSF)
 
These words are haunting me this week – I have entered a little more deeply into “the cave of a tiger”, and in some ways, I feel like fleeing for my life.  Prayer is not for the
faint-hearted – and especially prayer rooted in the Franciscan understanding of conversion.  I often forget that when I pray, God usually has a different idea of what is good for me and others than I do.  Daily life has a way of turning upside down before 10am – and praying for patience and wisdom only seems to intensify the challenges.  The results of prayer are uncontrollable – and it is not God who is changed by prayer, but me….  What saves me in the end is not resolving the challenges, or having the ability to turn my world “right-side up”; it is remembering why I pray and to Whom I pray and the trust and love on which the relationship
is based.  To Respond, click here

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Love like you can...

We are all looking for love - many times "in all the wrong places" as the song goes. Today's gospel offers a glimpse of the right place: "Love one another as I have loved you". As face value, this seems like such a simple thing to do -- until we get quiet and start reflecting -- and realize the immense depth with which God has loved and blessed us -- and suddenly it becomes an immense challenge - to love with total acceptance and respect - to love everyone - however they are, whoever they are, at whatever stage they are on their journey, on whatever path they choose to take. Unconditional love -- we know it is ours for the asking; receiving it is often challenging, but giving it is a life-long journey.... Peace.  To Respond, click here

Friday, February 27, 2009

Ashes

There are not too many Lenten songs that I resonate with, but Ashes by Tom Conry is one of the few that I absolutely love.

We rise again from ashes, from the good we've failed to do.
We rise again from ashes, to create ourselves anew.
If all our world is ashes, then must our lives be true,
an offering of ashes, an offering to you.

We offer you our failures, we offer you attempts.
The gifts not fully given; the dreams not fully dreampt.
Give our stumblings direction; give our vision wider view,
an offering of ashes, an offering to you.

There have been years that these verses have just reduced me to tears; they have been so meaningful. Who among us doesn't know what it feels like to have their world reduced to ashes?
I think immediately of those pictures of people standing at the site of their homes, reduced to ashes by a fire or rubble by a tornado. Truly, everything seems to be lost. Truly, one can just stumble into the future, in shock from what one has just experienced. No one looses everything and immediately gets up and walks clearminded into the future. When you feel like you have lost everything, it takes time to recover.

Yet, those pictures also show illustrate determination -- and the way we cling all the more to what we do have -- the people who are most precious, who have survived the trauma with us. Whether ashes are a reality or a metaphor for the way I feel, I am consoled by those I love, or those who remain with me -- or in the worst, by my faith that God is holding me in the midst of my suffering and God will not let go. -- And I rise, and re-create myself; I rise and stumble forward, hoping that I will find a direction sooner or later.

I believe the ashes are only the seedbed for new life -- like the legendary phoenix, I too will rise. 

 To Respond, click here

February 23, 2009

Lenten Journeys

Wednesday is Ash Wednesday - and this year, my Lent is green -- not violet or purple. I go with a color that energizes me - green is for new life and growing things, and in the end, isn't that what Lent is about - refining our practice and habits so that we can grow into the loving, healthy person we want to be. Yes, it is about remembering Jesus' sacrifice and death - but my old self dies a little each time I choose to live more freely, more lovingly, more honestly.
So my Lent is green again this year - and I hope I grow into the spiritual woman I want to be.  To Respond, click here

 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

It is our Quiet Time

It is our quiet time.
We do not speak because the voices are within us.
It is our quiet time.
We do not walk because all the earth is within us.
It is our quiet time.
We do not dance because the music has lifted us to a place where the Spirit is.
It is our quiet time.
We rest with all of nature... Taos Pueblo

Now is quiet time. I have uprooted myself yet again - this time, by moving from New Jersey, the state of my birth and most of my life, to Cincinnati, Ohio -- the place where dreams can come true. I've moved to be close to my Sisters, my friends, to the family of my choosing rather than of my birth. Here, I can put down new roots that will nourish me into the sunset of my life - here I can breath deeply of the clean air(at least now in winter), the naked trees, the forests and winding, hilly countryside. I am free of the noise and congestion of the city -- but I am not yet free of the noise within - and of the fears that still linger. But I am a pilgrim soul still. Stillness and quiet are needed for me to put down roots, to establish patterns and behaviors that allow me to draw nourishment from my surroundings. Unless I am quiet, I will carry the noise of the city every place I go. And that is something I do not want to do. I do not want to be captive any longer. I want to be free; I want to be at peace with myself and others; I want to remember that life is saturated with the Sacred... and I want to live bowing before it.  To Respond, click here